I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have post one night stand depression
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
