So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
