it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
