Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
