its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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