Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
