do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
