oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
