I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
