omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
