addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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