i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize