it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
