i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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