I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
