drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
