***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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