How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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