there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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