Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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