What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
