You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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