My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
