marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
