i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
