ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize