I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
