I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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