I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
