I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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