are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
