I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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