your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
