i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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