Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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