mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
