You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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