I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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