I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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