Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize