We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
