they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
