FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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