its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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