Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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