My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
