Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My dick has a subreddit
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize