I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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