my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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