I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
