The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
