You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
