i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
