apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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