I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
