WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
