Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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