at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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