If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize