my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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