My friends, they love my intelligence
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
