stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
