my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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